Tainted love

Just going to cut to the chase, this is me shredding a layer of myself. My mom and I have always had a roller coaster relationship. When I was younger, we had (somewhat) that typical, overly sweet mother-daughter relationship. When I was 8, things began to take a turn for the "different". I just felt our relationship change. A lot more angst and volatility involved. This continues until the month after my 16th birthday. We had 6 month waves of awesomeness after that and then "the shit would hit the fan." There never seemed to be a calm moment between us, especially if we had to travel somewhere together, ever since I was that little girl. I don't know what changed. I don't know if she hated me growing up. I don't know if it was me at all, but, I know that woman's presence just irks me at times. 

Fast forward to my freshman year in college, she helped me move in. We talked all the time. Things appeared to be looking up....so I thought. One day, we got into this nasty argument over the phone. One of my friends was in the car with me and witnessed me completely break down. She ripped me to pieces. I don't remember that argument, but. I do remember the emotions I felt that day. College continues, a few spurts happen, but nothing too outside of the normal. Yes, arguing with my mother is normal to me...very unfortunate. Graduation came, she was "proud mom" taking all the obnoxious pictures, hooting and hollering, actually feeling proud of what I've done. She tend to do that a lot, appear to be supportive, but, then criticize me out of the blue for random stuff. 

 In the series of unfortunate events blog, I mentioned yet another argument we had. If you were to read the texts and heard the phone calls, it was like a knockdown, drag out fights between two boxers in the rings. When I say it was brutal, all of the claws came out and shit got realllll. This was two weeks ago and she refuses to speak to me or dare look in my direction when she "visits" at my grandmothers house. Her visits are coming in unannounced, going to talk to my granny, and sit on the couch and play freaking CandyCrush on full volume....it's the most annoying shit ever!!! 

Needless to say, our relationship is a roller coaster that's struggling on the tracks. I don't know what future holds, but I do know, I will not dwell over someone who is giving off an air of not caring about their child (their only daughter) at that. .